I haven’t written anything about marital bliss in a while. Not that there isn’t anything to write. I live with my Beloved Curmudgeon who is a veritable potpourri of writing material. Good writing material, of course [he does read this].
The thing is, we had a fight yesterday. That in and of itself is not noteworthy. Trust me on that. The noteworthy part is that neither of us yelled, stomped off, slammed a door, started crying (that would have been me), gave the silent treatment (that would have been him), or insulted one another in any way.
We disagreed in a very civil manner and discussed (discussed!!!) the matter in a mature and mutually respectful manner.
I’m not sure I can call it a fight. Although, it was a subject that we have often had knock down drag outs about. Normally, it would have been a fight. A big fight. It would have been good for at least 2 weeks of the big chill. But somehow I can’t call it a fight. It was just too civil. I suppose I’ll say it was a ‘disagreement’. How odd.
I’ve thought about this ‘disagreement’ we had several times since it happened. I shake my head in wonder. Have we mellowed after 16 years of marriage. Yeah, a little, but not THAT much.
We had an anniversary last week. Sixteen years, SIXTEEN YEARS! Which means we’ve been together 19 years. Which means I’ve lived with him longer than I’ve lived with anyone else in my life. Which is pretty sobering. Which also means that I was a mere child when I met him cause I decided to quit aging at about 39 (that was a good year so I decided to just stay there). But that’s off the subject.
He remembered our anniversary. I reminded him the day before and about halfway through the day of our anniversary, after only a couple of hard looks from me, he remembered. That’s real progress. Very significant progress.
Maybe, maybe, after all these years we are learning to get it right. That’s pretty cool.
So, I think I’ll see if he’ll take me with him to the hunt club tomorrow for target shooting. With one of his new guns ……
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Previous posts on marital bliss:
So what did you fight about?
Congrats on 16 years of marital bliss!!
My wife and I have been married for 22 years in about three weeks. We finally “got it” after 20 years, and haven’t had a “fight” since. We disagree every once in a while, but the only thing that lasts longer than five minutes (but less than 10) is when we discuss our prodigal son (21 year old still acting juvenile). After so long you just realize that hey, this is the person I love and am spending the rest of my life with, and arguing with them is, well, stupid. Being different (opposites do attract) is not a bad thing, but a strength, after all. Her weaknesses are my strengths, and visa versa, so why not capitalize on it?
Lemuel - the DADBLAMED purchase of yet another gun! lol
Thank you Yankee mom
Douglas - wise words. We are both high-tempered, so its’ been a roller coaster. BUT, you have a good point. I think it is the ‘this is the person I love and am spending the rest of my life with, and arguing with them is, well, stupid.’ thing.
You do realize at some point that the relationship is too important to be a jerk about something that really doesn’t matter that much in the big scheme of things.
And we both know that neither of us are leaving, so we might as well get along and enjoy ourselves. Life’s just too short to be miserable! lol
Lemuel - he’ll say ‘we talked about this, remember’. Which can be interpreted as he told me at some point in time that he was going to do whatever and I may or may not have responded. It doesn’t really matter HOW I responded. In his mind, we discussed it and therefore I should be okay with it.
That’s not working as well for him as it used to work.
OTA #12…
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After I gave up the mental roledex- my sweetie and I have a rule…. if one or other is upset and after having our 10 (ten) minute snit…then we will discuss the issue and then determine a middle ground. This has worked for many years and keeps both of us happy…. oh yes, pre-marital bliss— life is way too short..and you can’t go back and do it over again….unfortunately.
Beth,
Your husband is just going to have to understand that you need a new gun once in a while.
hmmmmm…. Lemuel - spoken like a true male! lol
Me and mine are both very vocal in our opinions, which leads to a sometimes very loud house. Thankfully, we’ve found some magical way of learning to laugh about our disagreements rather than yell about them. I don’t know what it is, or how it happened… but it’s nice. Nowadays, the only real fighting is about who was suppose to turn the coffee pot off, and who actually had to go back and do it.
Just don’t take the bad feelings to bed with you and all will be well. A patient of mine told me that one and she is probably right.